Diary of Juliet Thompson: Chapter 2

The 'Akká Diary

19 June to 27 August 1909

Naples

19 June 1909

In Naples. In an old palace on the bay--the Via Partenope. Palaces around us, ruined palaces on the hills. Vesuvius to our left, Capri before us. This is the view from our window, Alice Beede's and mine. Yet all the rich beauty of Italy is as fantasy to me. The Reality of the Master^[1] glows beyond. It is to the Master's heart I would fly! And we are going to fly there! We arrived this noon and sail tomorrow night for Egypt.

26 June 1909

As I write I look out on Mount Carmel, the flat-roofed white houses of the East with their bright blue blinds in immediate view.

What can I say? I am speechless.

Jesus from the ground suspires. This line has been singing and singing in my head all morning. And yet, it is more--oh, far more--than that. The Spirit of the Living Redeemer is breathing its peace into the air. As I sat side by side with Alice this morning in our high whitewashed room, gazing and gazing toward Carmel looming up in its great bare grandeur just before our eyes, suddenly I felt that heart-consuming Spirit and melted into tears.

28 June 1909

(We are still here in the hotel at Haifa, Nassar's hotel. I am sitting in the hall, looking through the wide window at the end, across twelve miles of the bay to the Holy City. 'Akká, dreamed of for nine long years--the Mecca of my prayers--is before my bodily eyes! I am absolutely inarticulate. What I have felt, what I have seen, is too vast to be expressed in human language. I can find no words great enough to convey the impressions of these last three days--or two days, I lose track of time! And as yet, I have not see 'Akká! In His infinite mercy and wisdom

and love the Master is preparing us; in his gentleness. Yet even the preparation has been almost too much for the human heart.

That first sight of Carmel, with its Mystery, the Holy Mountain, "the Mountain of the Lord," broke me down. I am still overpowered when I look at it, and as I grow more sensitized I will surely feel it more and more. Here the Divine Spirit breathes and reveals itself. I know now. Ah, the poor human hearts to whom that Spirit is not revealed, to whom the material is everything, who cannot know of the Spiritual Kingdom surrounding them, who have not rent the veil! Will they believe me when I return to testify? I would "ascend to the cross" for them! To breathe this Truth into the world I would give my own last breath with joy. I can now understand the ecstasy of the martyrs. I pray to be one of them, to be worthy of their destiny. I know now what the Master means by the Holy Fragrances. I have come to the centre of their emanation. The air is laden with the Divine Incense--verily, the Breath of God. It is almost unbearable. I am immersed, lost in it. My prayers used to grope through space. Now I am conscious of a close communion with a heart-consuming Spirit of Love, a Spirit more intensely real than the earth and all the stars put together, than the essence of all human love, even than mother-love.

Later

28 June 1909

I have been sitting close to the window--my window into Heaven!--my eyes fixed on 'Akká. The phenomenal world has faded away. This is indeed, indeed the Reality. That City in the distance, white in the sunlight, has

been drawing the very soul out of me. I have been feeling the Power of the Magnet there.

Although we were to go to 'Akká today with the Holy Mother and the Holy Leaves,^[2] dear Carrie's^[3] illness, which began last night, has prevented it. (It is hard to write; the two little boys, Sandy and Howard Kinney, are playing around me.) Carrie will surely be well in a few days and in this illness of hers some meaning must be hidden. We are all drawing closer through it. An intensely devoted, united group will enter the Presence of our Lord. Now I shall try--only try--to tell you of what I have seen. These privileged eyes ...

Friday afternoon, the day we came, Amín^[4] and 'Ináyatu'lláh^[5] took us to the latter's house on Mount Carmel, just below the Tomb of the Báb. A simple house, flat roofed, square, white, its doorway an arch above rough stone steps; at each side of the arch a cypress tree.

Two women were standing in the arch waiting to greet us. One seemed to be a young girl. She wore a straight white gown, and a white veil half covered her heavy dark hair with its two thick braids hanging forward down her breast. Set in the midst of that frame of hair was a little pale drooping face with eyes too big for it. This was Khánum Díyá, daughter of martyrs, the wife of 'Ináyatu'lláh. The other was a tiny old lady. Her gown

was blue and her veil draped close, like a nun's, around her withered aquiline face, which was the colour of old parchment. I seemed to be back in the days of Jesus. Both received us with real love.

Soon Mírzá Asadu'lláh^[6] came in: a frail old man, his eyes so luminous that they lighted his whole face and made him appear like a spirit. His smile was full of humour. Then his wife entered. She approached us with a glowing love and took each one of us into her arms. Her dear little daughter, Farah-Angíz, served us with tea: honey-coloured tea in delicate glasses. Then Mírzá Asadu'lláh, in his turban and his long black 'abá, sitting by a grated window with a stone water jar on its sill, taught us in simple words pearls of wisdom. And I thought of what Percy Grant^[7] had said to me: "It is not what the Master will say, not even His life, which will influence you, but His personality." For it was not the words, not the wisdom, but a great sanctity emanating from them all that overwhelmed me--a tangible strong holiness, a heavy perfume of Spirit in the air pressing down upon my senses. I cannot express it.

As well as I can remember, these were the words of Mírzá Asadu'lláh, interpreted by Amín: "Your work is the work of the disciples. You are the educators in America. And you must not be discouraged that you have not yet seen results. It is like the work of the parents who give the best years of their lives to their children and perhaps die before the children are grown.

An ignorant person would say: 'How foolish are these parents to give their best years to their children rather than to themselves and their pleasures.' Likewise an ignorant bystander, watching a farmer sowing in his field--let us say almond seed--might think: 'What a foolish man to take this almond, which he could eat and enjoy, and bury it beneath the ground, where it will only disintegrate.' Yet one who has knowledge of seed sowing would at once see that the farmer is sowing one almond to reap one-hundred-fold.

"The most effective teaching is that which is accomplished by deeds, not the intellectual teaching. Words have their station, but the station of deeds is higher. The effect of good deeds is certain to appear in life. It may not be perceptible at first, but will be so at the appointed time. As a famous poet has said: 'Achieve good deeds and cast them into the River Euphrates. Some day their effects will bloom in the Sahara of Arabia.'"

Then spoke the wife of Mírzá Asadu'lláh, her strong face glowing, her eyes full of tears: "I know from my own case that this is true. Did I not forsake my whole family in Persia, to be richly rewarded now in this kinship with you from the West? For each dear one I gave up in Persia I have found many in America, more precious to me now even than my own kin, since the true relationship is of the Spirit. In Persia my little son was stoned: and see, Mr Kinney, what a father he found in America--in you!"

"Love," she added, 'is the basis of life."

Her intense emotion as she spoke penetrated into the core of our beings. We wept. I rose, bent over her and kissed her and she clasped me in her arms and held me

close. Then something within me opened. A fire of love never before experienced in my superficial existence was kindled in my heart from that flame, her heart. By the light of these saints, these torches of God, I see how, even in my deepest moments, my life has been but a shallow stream.

Mr Kinney asked a question: "Although a life of good deeds is certainly pleasing to God, is not a life given to the Cause of greater value?"

Mírzá Asadu'lláh smiled and answered: "These are synonymous."

"The divine qualities," he continued, "should be real and innate. They should well up spontaneously from the heart. One cannot prove brotherhood by intellectual proofs. Is a man your brother because Isaiah or Ezekiel said so? Two brothers do not need to prove that they are brothers. So all you have to do is to truly love one another. That love will accomplish all things."

From this blessed household we went to the Holy Household to visit the Holy Leaves. I shall never forget that little procession as they entered the room with the dignity of queens, led by the Greatest Holy Leaf.^[8] She was all in white: the Greatest Holy Leaf, the daughter of the Blessed Perfection.^[9] Her face had the look of one who had passed through crucifixion and was resurrected in another world. In it shone great blue eyes, eyes that had looked upon many sorrows and now were ineffably tender. Behind her came Túbá Khánum, Munavvar Khánum, ^[10] and Edna Ballora.

^{[Photograph: The Greatest Holy Leaf with the Ladies of the
household. Haifa, early 1900s.]}

Ah, what can I say? Nothing but this: As a bud that was little and hard opens in the sunlight, so my heart opened to a wealth of love inconceivable to the human mind.

That night we went again to see the Holy Leaves. They are staying in the house that Madame Jackson^[11] built. We sat on the broad marble steps, Mount Carmel looming, a dark mass, above us. Above the mountain hung the moon. Down in the village the little white dice-like houses, each with its pointed black cypress tree, were a pale blue in the moonlight. The bay to our right splashed its waves on the beach.

I whispered to Munavvar Khánum: "What is that--it cannot be imagination--what is that breathing from Mount Carmel? It is too strong for me. It is unbearable!"

I covered my face with my hands. Munavvar pressed close to me.

"Ah, you feel it too?" she whispered back.

I have not yet spoken of Rúhá Khánum, the youngest daughter of our Lord: beautiful, like a strong Madonna--with a great outgoing warmth--and so human. Next day we had tea in her house. The high, airy room in which we were received is painted white. A linen-covered divan runs around the walls. There are no decorations--no furniture even--just white simplicity. The Greatest Holy Leaf was there, Túbá and Munavvar Khánum, and two little women in blue with blue veils on their heads, relatives of the Báb.

We had already had tea at 'Ináyatu'lláh's with Asadu'lláh and his family. Mr Kinney had asked a question the answer to which I must keep. "Some of the

Theosophists claim that Christ was taught by the Súfís. How are we to reply?"

Mírzá Asadu'lláh smiled. "Could the sun be lighted from a lamp? If such knowledge originated with Súfís, why is it that they did not manifest it as Christ did? The churches, the hospitals, the illumined souls that sprang up from the seeds of Christ's teachings, why is it that these effects did not appear from the teachings of the Súfís, if Christ's teachings were born of theirs?"

After these blessed visits, Amín took Alice and me to an olive grove on Mount Carmel where our Lord often walks. Elijah, too, had walked in that same grove and among those very trees, so ancient are they. The sun was setting behind the mountain. The sky was opal. Flocks of sheep and of goats driven by singing shepherds passed us on the road. Men in flowing dress and the circleted kaffíyyih approached and passed us. A woman rode by on a donkey, a long blue veil on her head, in her arms a baby.

That evening the ladies of the Holy Household came to see us and we had a heavenly hour with them. Later in the night Carrie developed a serious illness. The doctors (called in the next day), Amín and a doctor from the British Hospital, said that it was typhoid fever. There were unmistakable symptoms.

Carrie had been taken ill on Sunday night. On Monday we were to have driven to 'Akká with the Holy Family. Early Monday morning I hurried to their house to tell them of Carrie's illness and that, of course, we could not go with them now. Immediately Túbá and Munavvar returned to the hotel with me and we all went up into Carrie's room, where she lay tossing on her bed with a terrifically high fever. Munavvar and Túbá, standing by

the bed, bent over it with the tenderest love. "We will all pray for you, Carrie," they said. "Our Lord will pray for you. His prayers are always answered."

As Túbá bade me goodbye at the door of Nassar's hotel, she said, "Tonight this will pass."

Munavvar too whispered, "Tonight."

At midnight it "passed". I was with Carrie when she woke up free from fever. Tomorrow we leave for 'Akká.

But I have been very happy just staying here--perhaps too happy. I have been afraid to meet my Lord. I long to see Him but feel unutterably shy. How unworthy I am to stand in His Presence I realize with my whole being. I remember a dream I had once in which I was standing in Percy Grant's house and heard that the Master was coming there soon--and I hid that His holy eyes might not see me. That is the way I feel now.

'Akká

2 July 1909

I know I can only write brokenly, here in this Palace of the King.

We came here (can it be?) day before yesterday only.

My life is overturned by a cataclysm of the soul. Love for the Face of my Lord fills my breast. This is REALITY, all else--a dream!

At sunrise of the day we came I climbed with Amín to the Tomb of the Báb.

When we entered the Tomb the mystery of the Holy Mountain revealed itself to me. Here was an essence, a concentration of holiness diffused from this Secret Spot like rays shining from a veiled sun. Yet, is the sun wholly veiled? I have never been able to look long at the Tomb. It dazzles some inner sense in me.

After I returned: a knock on my door--and the voice of X! She had just arrived, a complete surprise, from Egypt. How often I had prayed that she might be with me in the healing Presence of our Lord--and here she was in answer to my prayers! As she had come without the required permission, we were obliged to leave her in Haifa waiting for word from the Master. But He sent for her almost at once, and now she is in 'Akká.

Never shall I forget that afternoon's journey. I was dazed, numb, unable to realize--yet, afraid. For one thing I did realize--and that was my own unworthiness. But the scenes through which we passed should have helped me to realize, to sense, some of the divine joy toward which we were travelling.

We were in the Holy Land. We were in a bygone age. We drove along a wide white beach, so close to the sea that its little waves curled over our carriage wheels. To our right, a long line of palm trees. Before us, its domes and flat roofs dazzling white beneath the deep blue sky: 'Akká, the Holy City, the New Jerusalem. Camels approached us on the sand, driven by white-cloaked Bedouins, their veils bound by circlets; or sheep, led by shepherds in tunics and carrying crooks, striped head-cloths framing their faces. And once there came a family, the woman riding a donkey, a child in her arms, while a man walked beside her. The woman was wrapped in a dark blue veil.

We forded the river Kishon, then Hebron, and at last reached the walls of the Holy City, the City of Peace. Walls: walls within walls, menacing walls. Tall, prison-like, chalk-white houses, leaning together as they rose toward a rift of sky, slits of barred windows set here and there in their forbidding fronts. Streets so narrow that our carriage wheels grazed the buildings on either side,

streets sometimes bridged over by houses that met in an arch at their second stories.

Suddenly a wide expanse before us. A garden. The seawall. The sea. Our carriage stopped. I knew we were at the door of the Master. My heart almost ceased to beat. I felt we had arrived too soon, too suddenly, that I was too unprepared.

The curtains of the carriage were raised. In front of a great stone house, very picturesque and rambling, stood a group of men in turbans, long white robes, and dark 'abás (cloaks) with faces miraculously pure--shining, smiling--whose hearts seemed to welcome us. Then one with a very tender face: Siyyid Asadu'lláh, an old man, led us through an arch to a great inner courtyard open to the sky, where two giant palm trees stood in the midst of flower beds. Two stairways of old worn stone, one on either side of the courtyard and diagonally opposite each other, led directly to the third floor, on which the Holy Household lived. The railing of the stair leading to the Master's room was vine covered.

As I entered the court, a great spasm of feeling convulsed me. My unworthiness overwhelmed me. The light of the inner court was too strong. I sobbed and bowed my head.

The Kinneys and Alice had gone ahead of me. I followed them up the stairs with the vines, across a small open court with low white walls, to a room next to the Master's. This room I was to share with Alice.

Soon Edna Ballora came in. She took me to the window. Outside was a large square of bare ground, four trees in a row at a little distance; beyond these a street of tall houses, and to the right, at the foot of the double sea wall, a long, narrow garden.

^{[Photograph of Siyyid Asadu'lláh]}

"The Master is in the garden," said Edna.

He was in white, seated at the side of a wall in the centre of the garden, surrounded by guests.

My first thought as I saw that Figure was God Almighty!--such was the majesty and purity. I then thought: King of men! Lion of the tribe of Judah!^[12]

Soon He came into our room. He burst into it like the sun, with His joyous greeting, "Marhabá! Marhabá!" (Welcome! Welcome!) And His effulgence struck me blind.

Alice fell at His feet. I could not kneel. I could not do anything. At last, I knelt for a moment. Then He led us to the divan by the window and, speaking formally to me, placed me at a distance from Him; while to Alice, again at His feet, He spoke with smiling tenderness.

Sitting in the corner of the divan, now surer than ever of my unworthiness, I prayed: O God, remove this thing which separated me from my Lord!

Suddenly He changed His seat. "Bíyá!" (Come!) He called to me lovingly, drawing me close to His side.

He asked me many questions, answered by Alice, for still I could not speak. When the father of John saw the angel, he was struck dumb for days,^[13] and I was in the Presence of the Lord of angels--of the long expected One, heralded for ages from the mountain of the Lord.

The great overwhelming Spirit in Him, the Divinity of His Being deprives one of all one's powers, even the power of sensation, for a time. Yet He makes Himself so simple: in the mercy of His Love, in His great God-tenderness, bends so close to us.

Suddenly my heart burst open to the outpouring from

His Heart, like a rose beneath strong sunbeams. A beam seemed to pierce my heart. At that instant He flashed a lightning glance at me. When He left the room, as He did almost at once, my breast dilated as if a bird were spreading wings in it. I went to the window. Just as I did so, Munavvar appeared in the doorway. "The Master is calling you, Juliet," she said, and she led me to His room.

That dear little room, wood panelled, with its white-canopied bed, its divan, its simple little dressing table, and on the windowsill two stone water jars: nothing more. He was sitting on the divan at the end nearest the door, and when I entered, He beckoned me to His side. As I passed Him to take my seat I wanted to kneel at his knees--my own knees almost drew me down. But, fearing to be insincere, I would not yield. He took my hand in His--His so mysterious Hand--so delicately made, so steely strong, currents of life streaming from it.

"Are you well? Are you happy?"

But my lips seemed to be locked. I was helpless to open them.

"Speak--speak to Me!" He said in English.

A sacred passion had been growing in my heart: my heart was almost breaking with it.

"Is not my heart speaking to Thee, my Lord?"

"Yes, your heart is speaking to Me and your spirit is speaking to Me. I hear, I know."

Then he inquired for the two believers I cared for least.

Of one I could honestly say when he returned from 'Akká he was on fire.

"And he remained but a few days," said our Lord. Then: "Do not think your services are unknown to Me. I have seen. I have been with you. I know them all. Do

not think I have not known. I have known all. For these you are accepted in the Kingdom."

My "services"--and He knew them all! He had "seen": seen their pitiful smallness and the lack of real love with which I had tried to serve. I bowed my head with shame.

"Forgive my failures."

"Be sure of this." After a moment He said again, "Be sure of this." Then He dismissed me.

As I passed Him the second time, my knees did draw me down; my heart drew me down to His feet.

Later that evening He came to our door, a blue door in the whitewashed wall, leading out into the open court. We knelt in the doorway, Alice and I.

"We are at home, Lord," I said, "at home, for the first time."

"Yes. Home, home. It is your home."

That night at dinner I sat on His left. Ah, the little dining room! It opens on the court, at right angles with the Master's door. It is simple and small and white and its two windows face the sea.

This is what He said at table, looking again and again toward the window, sometimes raising those wonderful eyes to the sky, sometimes closing them, waiting--communing with One Whom we could not see, then speaking.

Mr Kinney had said to the interpreter: "We have no questions to ask. We wish Him to fill our spiritual needs."

Then our Lord: "The most important thing is that which comes through the Spirit--the Breath of the Holy Spirit. The soul through the Spirit can realize the Kingdom. The soul can recognize and feel the Love of God. Distance cannot prevent the receiving of spiritual

bounties. Hills and mountains cannot check that! Why? Because of the chains and bonds of the Spirit. The sun is very far, in the highest position. There is a great distance between earth and sun, yet remoteness and distance cannot prevent its rays from shining on us.

"Without firmness there will be no result. Trees must be firm in the ground to give fruit. The foundation of a building must be very solid in order to support the building. If there be the slightest doubt in a believer, he will be without result. How often did Christ warn Peter to be steadfast! Therefore, consider how difficult it is to remain firm, especially in the time of trials. If man endure and overcome the trials, the more will he become firm and steadfast. When the tree is firmly rooted, the more the wind blows the more the tree will benefit; the more intense the wind the greater the benefit. But if weak, it will immediately fall.

"As Christ foretold, we will take the real food in the Kingdom with the Father. That is the real meeting. It has no limit, no end, no separation."

1 July 1909

The next morning at six we were called to early tea.

I wish I could give you a picture of this dear old shabby, beautiful palace, become the most intimate of homes to me.

Opening from the little court, that chalk-white court, so glaring in the sun, a great grey hall with stone walls and a mosaic floor. A bare hall, except for the richness of the floor and two high perches, a macaw on each--splashes of scarlet and emerald and blue against the expanse of grey. Little birds hopping about on the floor like

familiar spirits. Opening from the hall, to the right--a wall full of arched windows opposite its entrance--a very high whitewashed room with linen-covered divans lining its walls and a large straw mat on its stone floor. This was the room where every day we had prayers and early tea with our Lord.

That wonderful tea hour in the fresh morning! First there was the Persian chanting. Then tea was served. The Master always sat in the right-hand corner of the divan by one high window, correcting the Tablets dictated to His secretaries, the small, glazed, ivory-coloured leaf of parchment in His left hand. Around Him on the divan we sat with the Holy Family. Along the divan and on the floor sat the families of martyrs, a number of children among them, whom the Master had taken under His own care. The samovar stood on the floor at the entrance on a Persian tea-cloth, a beautiful happy-faced woman behind it serving the tea. She had deep dimples in her cheeks and her hair hung in thick black braids, a white veil partly covering it.

Her story was this: Years before in Persia, when she was a bride fifteen years old, she was with her mother-in-law in a room of their house on the ground floor when suddenly they heard a howling mob outside. And then a severed head was thrown through the window and rolled to the young bride's feet. It was the head of her husband, a boy of nineteen. The girl fainted, but the mother quietly rose, took the head of her son to the washstand and washed off the blood, then carried it to the window and threw it out to the mob. "What we have given to God," she said, "we do not ask back."

As we entered the tea-room the Master asked how we were. Were we happy? Had we slept well? "Here," He

said, "you cannot be very comfortable. In New York it is better and more beautiful than here." He smiled and added, "There it is beautiful. You have parks and trees. But here the heart is good."

"You have all received letters from me," He said, continuing to correct a Tablet. Then, handing one to Munavvar Khánum, "This is a Tablet to an American believer which I have just corrected."

In the Tablet He had said, "Thank God you are all helpers." And I had just been thinking: Never can we hope to help this All-Powerful Being. He had spoken of the Word of God as having created unity among Muslims, Jews, and Christians and said that through the power of the Blessed Perfection we had all been made as one soul in many bodies, one light in many lamps; therefore we should strive to spread and increase this unity and love.

Then He began to speak to us: "Thank God that He has gathered us all together here. Before this Cause was established the East and the West never met. But now, since the Cause is established in Persia and America, the East and West are united, happy, and in perfect love with one another. It is only a great Power that can accomplish this. Formerly in Persia it was impossible for Christians, Muslims, and Jews to be friends and to meet lovingly; but now, in this same Persia, all creeds come together in perfect love. I hope all will make an effort that this love and union may progress." Then, turning away and gazing out of the window as though He were looking into the future: "That all religions may become one; all people be of one creed; all nations as one; that all differences may be removed. And this is what I hope."

1 July 1909

At luncheon Our Lord asked for news of Mr MacNutt.^[14] Mr Kinney spoke of the unity in New York.

Our Lord said: "You have been the bearers of such good news that I want to make you very happy. Good news indicates good deeds. Unity is the result of good deeds and action. At the present time there are good believers in America--sincere and firm in the Covenant.

"Man first is like a pupil. He becomes learned. Then he becomes a teacher. First he is a patient. He must attain perfect health. Having attained it, he may become a doctor. At first you are children. You become mature. Now you must be like fathers and mothers." Each time He made a point He smiled His marvellous smile, looking at one or another of us.

"I desire that each of you become so great that each may guide a nation. Now the friends must endeavour to attain such stations so as to teach the people of America. Divine qualities are unlimited. For this reason you must not be satisfied with one quality, but must try to attain all. Each of us must improve himself, that he may attain nothing short of the best. When one stops, he descends. A bird, when it is flying, soars; but as soon as it stops, it falls. While man is directed upward, he develops. As soon as he stops, he descends. Therefore I wish the beloved of God always to ascend and develop.

"There exist in man two powers. One power uplifts him. This is divine attraction, which causes man's elevation. In all grades of existence he will develop through this power. This belongs to the spirit. The other

power causes man to descend. This is the animal nature. The first attracts man to the Kingdom. The second brings him down to the contingent world. Now we must consider which of these will gain more power. If the heavenly power overcome, man will become heavenly, enlightened, merciful; but if the worldly power overcome, he will be dark, satanic, and like the animal. Therefore he must develop continually. As long as the heavenly power is the great force, man will ascend.

"I have met many of the beloved of God this year. Therefore I am very happy."

__________

(Footnote added in Brumana, Syria, where I was copying my rough notes: I think of Him often as sitting there at the table. I see Him there often. But I cannot write of it. I found it impossible at first to raise my eyes to the Splendour of His Face. But later I had many marvellous glimpses.

2 July 1909

Early morning tea

After those first dear fatherly questions--Were we well? Were we happy? Had we slept well?--He said: "Our real happiness is of the Kingdom. Here we seek no happiness, because in this world happiness does not exist. If you consider, you will see that people are all in trouble. The majority of people whom you question have nothing to tell you but of their troubles! Their hearts are not at rest. And they cannot have this rest of heart but through the Love of God. Therefore we must know that happiness exists in the other world and not in this."

Still correcting the Tablets, He said: "There are many letters I should write, because I have to communicate with the East and West."

Handing a Tablet to Munavvar Khánum: "This is the Tablet in regard to events that have happened in Persia."

He asked me not to take it down. It referred to political conditions in Persia and prophesied that unless these changed and union was effected between the opposing sides, foreign powers would step in and divide the country.^[15] After this, He said lovingly: "It is very nice to see you here--that you have at last reached here. Tomorrow I am going to take you, Myself, to the Tomb of Bahá'u'lláh. I was going to take you today, but as I am busy and have to take the Governor out, I cannot do so."

2 July 1909

Later in the morning

He sent for me. My self-consciousness, my shyness had made me feel shut out from Him, but my heart had been continually crying out, with ever-increasing love, to Him. When I entered His little room and knelt at His feet and looked up into eyes of Love which I suddenly found I could meet, He put out His hand and said, "Now; now!"

I laid my head on His knee. The tears came. He lifted my face and wiped them away. "God shall wipe away all tears."^[16] Ah, this blessed Day!

I cannot remember exactly what happened, only that Love immeasurable flowed out from Him and was reflected in my poor heart. One thing I do remember. When He lifted my face, while He was wiping away my tears, He said in a voice of infinite sweetness, like the sighing of the wind which "bloweth where it listeth and

we know not whence it cometh or whither it goeth":^[17] "Speak. Speak to Me!"

His words in English sink into your very soul. What I lose by not understanding Persian!

"O my Lord, may my life speak to you!" I cried.

Then I presented Him with the petitions:

First I gave Him Lua's^[18] and read Him a portion of one of her letters, speaking of her tests and difficulties.

"You love Lua?" He asked in that voice of heart-piercing sweetness, that voice which is indeed the calling of the Spirit, the instrument of Divine Love. "She is dear to you? Your friend?"

"She is my mother. I love her with my whole soul. Thy Love," I said, "has united so many hearts in eternal bonds." I spoke of my love for May Maxwell.

"Your sister?" He asked.

"My sister and my mother too."

"Your mother." He said it was this that made Him happy: to see that the sisters loved one another.

"Help me to love all," I begged. "In this I have failed."

"This is what I wish for you: that you will love all."

"With Thy help."

I gave Him the letter from Mr MacNutt. He smiled at the name. I mentioned Laura Barney's beautiful goodness to me and prayed for blessings for her.

"Khaylí khúb. Khaylí khúb," (Very good.) He said.

I gave Him Mother Beecher's^[19] message.

Munavvar Khánum translated: "Our Lord will pray for her that she will attain to all she wishes."

I gave Him Mrs Parsons'^[20] message, that she longed to establish a spiritual city on the Potomac, the inhabitants of which would live for the good of the whole rather than the one, and asked that the way might be opened for her to come to see Him; also whether she should come alone or bring her family.

"My lord, you know Mrs Parsons?"

"I know. I know." Then he said, "That city I hope will be a spiritual city and that the people of such a city will be perfectly united. In a physical city, of course, it is impossible to have everyone united. But in a spiritual city it is possible that all be united and in every way cemented. The spiritual city is like the sea, and the inhabitants of this city are like the waves of the sea. In every way they are connected and united. I hope she will be able to build such a city as this. I hope she will be able to do all the services she wishes and that the way will be opened for her to come."

His eyes were half closed as He gave this message. He seemed to be communing with her.

I read Him Bernard Ginzig's message, that "He had heard the voice of the Spirit in the realm of art; that he was a seeker of truth in the world of mysteries."

"Tell him: Give thanks to God that you are a seeker after the mysteries of existence and ask God that He reveal to you the Mystery of the Kingdom. Should you know all the mysteries of the world and know nothing of the Mystery of the Kingdom, it is useless. To know the

mysteries of the world is very good when this knowledge is joined with the knowledge of the Mystery of the Kingdom."

He also said it was good for Bernard Ginzig to follow the art of designing.

In my hand, among the supplications with which I had been entrusted, was a letter from Barakatu'lláh^[21] to me. As he had not known, when he wrote, that I was going to 'Akká and as his letter therefore contained no message, it was just in remembrance of him that I had taken it to our Lord. In it he said he feared I had forgotten him. I did not read it to our Lord, only held it up, saying: "This is my last letter from Mr Barakatu'lláh."

"You love Mr Barakatu'lláh?"

"Oh yes, my Lord!"

He smiled.

"Write to him and say that you are in 'Akká and say that you wish very much to have him here too. Tell him you have not forgotten him!" (with a sudden captivating smile, tipping His head to one side, and looking at me very knowingly). "Tell him you have not forgotten him and that you wish he were here with you. Say that you mentioned his name in the Presence of 'Abdu'l-Bahá and He gave you this message for him: that 'Abdu'l-Bahá says He loves him very much and He will pray for him that he may be assisted to do some work in Japan. Until now the Word of God has not been raised in Japan. Perhaps he may become the cause of its being proclaimed there. In every country in which a new founder appears who will raise there the words of the Kingdom,

^{[Photograph: A group of New York Bahá'ís (c.
1912)]}

that man will be greatly helped. Therefore 'Abdu'l-Bahá hopes that he (Mr Barakatu'lláh) will become wonderfully assisted."

I gave Him Claudia Coles' message.

"Give My salaams to Claudia Coles and say: I will pray for her that she may obtain all her desires and that everything, including herself, will be exactly as she wishes."

I read Him Mrs Ives'^[22] long message.

"Say that she must continue to do to this man as she has been doing, she and Mother Beecher both. She must not change. She must try to be kind to him.

"First: herself. She must make every effort to enlighten her soul and to attain to such a condition where no sorrow or disappointment will have any effect upon her. The condition of entire and complete submission is the best one, for when one reaches this condition one is perfectly submissive to everything. And when she will be so, she will entirely forget her own will and ask nothing but the Will of God. Whatever is done in this world is the Will of God. And since one, when in this condition, has no will of his own, his will is the Will of God and whatever he does is the Will of God."

I supplicated that she might come and look upon His face.

"Khaylí khúb," He said. (Very good; very well.)

To Mary Little: "I will pray for her and ask help from the Kingdom for her and pray that she may become as she wishes."

To Bertie Warfield: "Give her my greetings and love. Tell her I have accepted her love."

"How do you like all these messages?" He said, smiling His smile of enchantment. "I give you such long messages because of the love in your heart. It is for this I love you--because you are so sincere and have a great love in your heart and love many of the believers. I see a great love in your heart. That is why I love you."

I said: "If I have any love, it is Thy gift to me. I pray for the universal love, that I may love all, my Lord."

"Inshá'lláh! That is what I desire for you: that you love each and all; that you love all the people of the world. This is My wish for you."

Just then X was announced. Our Lord asked Munavvar Khánum to bring her in.

Then Munavvar returned with X. We two had a sacred meeting with our Lord. She spoke so tenderly of me. He answered tenderly. He then sent for Alice Beede. As she entered the room He said, with His enchanting smile: "Friends? Friends?"

Alice spoke up in her impulsive way. "If people are your friends they are mine."

"All are My friends. Each; every one." (In English:) "My friends. My friends."

I was moved to take X's hand.

"She is mine?" I asked. "Mine forever?"

He smiled and said, "Yes. Yes."

Next He sent for Carrie. And when we were all at His feet, Munavvar interpreting for us. He said: "I hope a great love may be established among you and that day by day this love will increase. I have gathered you all together here that you may be gathered in the same way in the Kingdom of God, and that you may love one another very, very much. If you love one another as you should, it is just as though you had loved me as you should. The more you love one another, the nearer you

get to Me. I go away from this world, but Love stays always. Therefore you should love one another very much. And I hope that you will become the cause of establishing great love among humankind and that, through the help and assistance of God, you will be able to establish in this world the Love of God. Bahá'u'lláh endured all these hardships and difficulties only for the sake of establishing Love in this world."

X said: "I wish I might be like this rose and exhale such fragrances."

Our Lord: "One could be much more beautiful than this rose. For the rose perishes. Its fragrance is just for a time. No winter has any effect upon such a Rose as Man."

"I wish," said Alice, "that when we go home we may be able to diffuse what we have received here."

Our Lord: "As I have said before: Man first is like a pupil. He becomes a learned man; then he becomes a teacher. First he is a patient. He must attain perfect health, and, having attained it, he can become a doctor. What I wish to say is that those who have attained the Kingdom of God will themselves become doctors. All the people of the world are patients, are ill. They are in great need of doctors, so that through the help of the doctors they may be cured of their spiritual diseases.

"The life of man will at last end in this world. We must all take out of this life some fruit. The tree of one's existence must bear fruit. If a tree has not fruit you must cut it down and burn it. It would be useless for other purposes. And what is the fruit of the human tree? It is the Love of God. It is love for humankind. It is to wish good for all the people of the earth. It is service to humanity. It is truthfulness and honesty. It is virtues and good morals. It is devotion to God. It is the educa-

tion of souls. Such are the fruits of the human tree. Otherwise it is only wood, nothing else."

"Thou hast been so merciful, my Lord, to permit X to come while I am here."

"It is for your sake. You must be sure when you are with her to say only those things that will help her, for should she do anything wrong again it would not be good for the Cause."

"My Lord," I said, weeping, "I am so conscious of my own imperfections I can never feel hers are greater than mine."

"You must never think of your own imperfections, but of the Power of Bahá'u'lláh which can free you from all."

I was kneeling at His feet. Raising my hands I said: "Dear Lord, free me from this terrible self-consciousness." (For the fact, often proved, that he knew every thought in my mind had put me into a dreadful state. Thoughts I could never really have thought would come flying into my head like evil, fantastic birds--and I knew He read them!)

"I will pray for you that you may be freed from it."

Again the tears came to my eyes and again He wiped them away, smiling His divine smile.

"I supplicate for X, dear Lord. I love her with all my soul."

"I hope she may overcome and be exactly the opposite of what she has been in the past. I will pray for her."

3 July 1909

Early morning tea

Our Lord: "I want to tell you that most of the nations and the majority of the people are in perfect ignorance.

They are trying night and day to do something to destroy the foundation of man. There are among them political fights and wars. There are conflicts and disturbances. Every day they are inventing new instruments for the destruction of human life. There are among them also religious disputes and conflicts and disputes of patriotism. You hardly find two men between whom there is real harmony and sympathy.

"Now you must do your best, so that you may be able to remove all these conflicts and disputes. You will change this darkness into light; you will change this hatred and menace into love and harmony, because your aim is a glorious one.

"It is sure you will have to endure many difficulties in this Cause and that great obstacles will come before you. You will have many hindrances. But you must confront all and you must endure all these difficulties.

"You must give up all differences among you--differences of opinion--and all work for the same aim. You must be qualified with divine attributes, so that the Word of God may assist you, so that the bounties of God may descend upon you. And know that without the help of the Holy Spirit you will not be able to do this. And the magnetism of the Word of God is sincerity of intention. And until you are entirely severed from yourself and emptied of yourself, you will never be sincere enough.

"You must entirely sacrifice yourself. You must close your eyes to all rest. You must give up even your happiness and your enjoyments so that you may be able to do this.

"It is true that you will be blamed very much and you will have some difficulties and troubles. It is sure that people will show enmity toward you, and it is possible

your own relatives even will try to oppose you. But you must be firm. And if you will be firm and steadfast, be sure that you will become victorious. You will be the cause of the union of the world of humanity.

"As Christ said to a rich man: 'Go, and give all you have, and take up your cross and come and be My follower.'^[23] This saying of Christ's indicates that unless one is free from everything, one cannot be a real follower of Christ."

3 July 1909

Luncheon

Our Lord: "Jesus Christ said: 'Freely have ye received; freely must ye give.'^[24] That is to say: Man has received the bounty of the Kingdom for nothing, so you must give it to others as you have received it. That is to say, not to wish for any reward or compensation from the people. You should ask your reward of God.

"But in this new Revelation many of the believers have attained the Kingdom of God with great difficulty. They gave much to obtain it.

"The Blessed Báb and Bahá'u'lláh were the Possessors of the Kingdom. They gave the Kingdom to the people. But they had many trials and difficulties. The Báb exposed His breast to thousands of bullets from the enemy. Bahá'u'lláh, too, spent all His life in the prisons. The beloved of God obtained the Kingdom by the sacrifice of their lives, under calamities and oppressions. Their houses were destroyed and their honour lost. All their properties were pillaged. Their families and children were

taken as captives, and at last they themselves were martyred. Now consider how difficult it was for these people to obtain the Kingdom. Not withstanding this, the Kingdom is so great that still they received the Kingdom freely!

"Now the purpose is this: that you also should procure the Kingdom with so many sacrifices. It is possible you may have these calamities and difficulties. The people will accuse you, blame you and injure you, but you must show forth firmness and steadfastness. And should there be no trials, nothing will be accomplished. But when trials appear many will greatly develop. That is to say: those who are sincere believers, firm in the Cause, will develop and advance; but, on the contrary, those who are weak in their faith will escape. But My hope is that you will show forth firmness."

"Tell Miss Juliet Thompson," He said suddenly, laughing, "that I am going to strike her. Others are delicate, but she is strong and can stand it." He laughed again. "I am going to beat her."

"It has seldom happened in any age or cycle that women have been killed as martyrs, but in this great Revelation many women have been martyred. It happened many times that enemies among the women collected together, striking and beating a Bahá'í woman. Still they could not appease their hostility, their rage, by striking. They bit with their teeth. And this was due to their great rage."

The Master laughed all through this, from the time He mentioned my name to the end, a strange laugh. I was sitting by His side at this meal.

3 July 1909

Dinner

Our Lord: "All animals and birds sleep early. This is the creative law of God. The birds sleep early. The rule is to sleep very early. This is God's wish. Children wish to go to bed early. Gradually man acquires the habit of sleeping later. To sleep at sunset is the law of God. All children, birds and animals sleep involuntarily.

"His Holiness Christ manifested in these countries, but in the beginning His Cause was spread in Europe and it superseded all other religions, notwithstanding that in Asia there were many religions, such as Zoroastrianism, Judaism, the star-worshippers and idolaters, who are still existing in India. But in Europe and America His Cause overcame all others. Now it is our hope that although this Truth was revealed in this part of the world, it will be spread and promulgated throughout America and Europe.

"His Holiness Christ said: 'The Children of the Kingdom will go out from it, but from the uttermost parts of the earth many will come and enter into it.'^[25]

Now the inhabitants of Syria are bereft, for they have no capacity, but you, who live in remote countries, have caught this Light. The people from around here are deprived, but you from such far countries have attained.

"A blind man, though he sit near the light, cannot see it; but a clear-sighted man can see from afar. A man afflicted with a cold, if he be in a rose garden, cannot inhale the fragrances, but one whose nostrils are pure can inhale from a long distance. The people who are in these

cities are deaf and blind, but you, having an open eye and a pure nostril, can see the Light from afar and inhale the fragrances of this Rose Garden.

"Is this clear to you?"

4 July 1909

Early morning tea

Munavvar Khánum chanted a prayer.

Our Lord: "In this prayer which we have just read, Bahá'u'lláh meant 'Abdu'l-Hamíd, the Turkish Sultán who has lately been deposed,^[26] and the verses are:

'I implore Thee, O My God and the King of the nations, and ask Thee by the Greatest Name, to change the throne of tyranny into a centre of justice and the seat of pride and iniquity into the chair of humbleness and justice. Thou art free to do whatsoever Thou wishest and Thou art the All-Knowing, the Wise!'"

"A Power above the power of kings," I whispered to Munavvar.

"And still," she whispered back, "and still we ask for miracles."

__________

That day, the fourth of July, He took us Himself to the Holy Tomb^[27] in the morning.

I realize now why the Gospels are written so simply. I find I am only able to state bare facts. But these surely are more eloquent than all human comment on them. Let me give them to you, then, simply:

First, with a father's tender care, He came to the carriage with us and watched us start. At the house in Bahjí

He joined us in a cool, whitewashed room, its door and window-trimmings painted blue, the usual linen-covered divan lining its walls, under three wide windows. Outside stood wonderful trees, like still sentinels guarding the Tomb. Sanctity hung in the air, a brooding spirit. Nowhere else in the world is the beauty of nature so impregnated with the soul of Beauty, a reflection from another world. In the air of 'Akká and Carmel is--Life.

On a table was [a] single photograph, Lua's. Our Lord called me to sit by His side, then, pointing to the photograph, said: "Your friend!"

I got it and placed it on a little table close to His elbow, between the couch where He sat and my own chair. As I did this His face lit up with a smile of heaven.

Tea was brought in--in the little clear glasses always used in 'Akká--and He served us with His own hands. Then, seating Himself again on the divan, He called the four children who were with us: two of his own little grandsons (Shoghi Effendi and Rúhí)^[28] and the two Kinney boys, and with a lavish tenderness, a super abundance of overflowing love, such as could only have come from the very Centre and Source of Love, He drew all four to His knees, clasped them in His arms, which enclosed them all, gathered and pressed and crushed them to His Heart of hearts. Then He set them down on the floor and, rising, Himself brought their tea to them.

Words absolutely fail me when I try to express the divine picture I saw then. With the Christ-love radiating from Him with the intensest sweetness I have yet witnessed, He stooped to the floor Himself to serve the little children, the children of the East and the children of the West. He sat on the floor in their midst, He put sugar into their tea, stirred it and fed it to them, all the while

smiling celestially, an infinite tenderness playing on the great Immortal Face like white light. I cannot express it! In a corner sat an old Persian believer, in a state of complete effacement before his Lord, his head bowed, his eyelids lowered, his hands crossed on his breast. Tears were pouring down his cheeks.

Then our Lord took a chair and, facing the windows, pointed out these beautiful trees to us. In His spread white robes, with His majesty of pose--a sudden overwhelming majesty, after that tender humility (in a way Michaelangelesque, only far transcending that), yet with the divine sweetness that is never absent, no matter how tremendous the Power displayed--He appeared at first glance as the King of kings to me; the next instant once more the Spirit of the Christ, the Son, flashed upon me. Then, the two aspects were one.

He said: "We cannot in this world realize the bounty of God, nor can we appreciate His Love, but in the next world we can do so.

"When man is in the world of the womb, God showers upon him all blessings. He gives him all the organs, eyes, ears, etc. But man cannot put this favour into use there; it is not manifest there. When the child is born from the world of the womb into this world, then all those blessings and gifts which God showered upon him in the world of the womb become manifest and useful. His gifts were not known in the world of the womb, though men did possess them there, but the world of the womb had not the capacity to receive the manifestation of these gifts. Similarly with the gifts and blessings which God showers upon man in this world. This world is not fit and has not the capacity for the manifestation of these gifts and blessings. But when man enters the

^{[Photograph: Bahá'ís visiting the Shrine of
Bahá'u'lláh (c. 1900).]}

World of the Kingdom, then those gifts will be manifested.

"For example, one of the gifts of God is to be able to pay a visit to the Holy Tomb, but man cannot fully realize it while in this world. But when he enters the World of the Kingdom, there the blessings and gifts will become evident and clear.

"Is this clear to you?"

Then, giving us each a handful of jasmine, He led us one by one to the jasmine-strewn threshold of the Holy Tomb. As He led me, His hand quickened me. Never can I forget its vital, tingling pressure.

We knelt at the Divine Threshold. Suddenly, He was beside us: luminous, silent. Bending, He anointed our foreheads with attar of rose. Then He lifted each of us to our feet. And then, in a voice which struck across my heart, causing my entire being to quiver, the memory of which even now pierces and wrings my heart, He chanted.

When He had finished He asked Mr Kinney to chant. I could scarcely bear the thought of a human voice following His. Yet Mr Kinney sang beautifully: "O Lord, make us pure and without desire." My whole being echoed this prayer.

Our Lord then requested us all to sing, and the hymn we chose was "Nearer, My God, to Thee."

While our Lord was chanting I could not look at Him, but during the singing that followed, I kept my face turned toward Him. I still see Him standing by the window, the translucence of that majestic profile, the grandeur of that luminous head, white turbaned against the white wall.

We left the Holy Tomb.

"Come and I will show you My garden," said our Lord. "Come, follow Me."

With the little children--Sandy pressed close to one side, Howard to the other--He led us. In folds indescribably graceful, His white robes blew about His Figure. Divineness breathed from it. That which He manifested then was the tender Love of the Good Shepherd. We followed in His Footsteps over the stony field: His garden?

"Other sheep have I that are not of this fold ... My sheep shall know My voice ... And there shall be one fold, one Shepherd."^[29] As I followed, my heart chanted this.

Having gone about a quarter of a mile, He stopped and pointed out over the Mediterranean.

"Look," He said, "the sea, the sea!"

Mr Kinney said, "America lies beyond."

Then our Lord: "America and this land are one. The world is one--is one!" (in His ringing English). "America and this land are one. The five continents of the world are one. All the nations are one, through the Power of Bahá'u'lláh."

By "His garden" did He not mean the united world-to-be?

__________

In the morning we were all siting in our room (Alice Beede's and mine), Carrie and X with Alice and myself, and were discussing something and not agreeing and getting inharmonious, when there came a tap at the door. And there stood the Master, in white in the sunlight, His hands full of jasmine for us.

Later in the day, after our return from the Tomb, another sort of talk was going on in our room. Someone said something off-colour. It was carried on by someone else. Remembering our sacred morning, my soul rebelled against it. Again came the tap at the door. We were not dressed, not ready to receive our Lord, to open to Him.

That night He called us into His room--His small, dark, wood-panelled room, very dark now with only two candles burning in it, their little flames flickering as a breeze blew through the window. He looked so mysterious, so unearthly in the dim light. We seated ourselves at His feet.

"How are you?" He asked, "Are you happy? You should be happy after your visit to the Blessed Tomb today. Did you think of Lua?"

X and I told Him that we had. Carrie said she had thought of each and all the believers as they sat in the hall during the meetings. His face lit up with that marvellous smile with which He always blesses us when we speak of our love for others.

"Very good. Very good. That is what pleases God."

Alice said, "It is the Fourth of July, the day we Americans celebrate our independence."

Our Lord: "Yes, it is a good day in America, the day of your physical freedom. But today you celebrated your spiritual freedom. Physical freedom is a good thing, but spiritual freedom is of greater importance. Really the first thing is to have the soul free. And you must be very happy to have attained spiritual freedom on the same day when you attained physical freedom. I hope that as on this day you attained the physical freedom, in the same way you will be free from all passionate desires and human inclinations.

Then He went on: "The world is in prison and bondage through the leaders of religions who have taken the Spirit captive.

"The Jewish rabbis have always tried to convince the people that their religion is the true one, that they are the chosen nation by being descendants of Abraham, and that they are the only people who can enter the Kingdom.

"Likewise the Catholic priests. What they say to the people is this: that they possess the true religion, they are the accepted people of God and they alone can be saved.

"Likewise the Shaykhs.^[30] They speak against the Christians and say: 'God had a Son and the people crucified this Son of God!' They say: 'What a foolish thing these Christians teach--that God could have a Son and He, the Son of God, was crucified by human hands!'

"You see how the heads of each of these religions have captured the souls of man and brought them under this narrow control.

"Now Bahá'u'lláh has come and given freedom to these captive souls and released them from their bondage."^[31]

We talked of our walk behind Him--in His Footsteps--over the stones and thorns. I quoted: "My sheep shall hear My voice and there shall be one fold and one Shepherd." Then X referred to His serving the little

children. "Suffer the children to come unto Me."^[32] I said it was a symbol of His serving us, who are His little children.

"They are My sons. You are My daughters, My descendants by the Spirit, which is the nearest relationship. This day you are spiritually free." Then He dismissed us, saying, "Go and rest."

As we were leaving the room I told Him it was my mother's birthday.

"God will bless her. God will bless her," He said. "I have a message for your mother. I will give it to you tomorrow."

Alas for the sin of disobedience! He had said "Go and rest." But we were so anxious to write down His words while they were fresh in our minds that we stayed in the dining room until late, and--shameful to confess after our day in Heaven!--began to argue about the New York Assembly: as to whether or not it was united! Mr Kinney declared that it was. I said it was not. I even went so far as to mention the breeder of the discord, to condemn her destructive work!

But when X and I crept off to the room we were temporarily occupying--crept through the black, vaulted halls and rooms, over the old stone floors, to the rear wing of the house--a feeling of guilt such as I could hardly bear consumed me.

Next morning when I met our Lord outside the dining room door, in the sunny little court I so love because it is associated with His footsteps, with the benediction of

His Presence, looking with eyes that ... forgave? ... no, that understood ... deep, deep into my eyes, He put out His hand and took mine in a clasp of love.

On the night of 3 July, when I was on the housetop with Munavvar Khánum: a little miracle! One of countless miracles I experienced while in the Palace of the Divine Magician.

That housetop--roof of the House of the Lord--surely the place for the revelation of mysteries! I find I can scarcely speak of it. Yet I long to make a picture of it. To me it represents the summit of my existence.

When we first came to 'Akká, every night we would all go up to the housetop to walk or sit in the moonlight, Túbá and Munavvar Khánum, Edna Ballora, Carrie, Alice, X, Miss Gamblin the governess, and myself. Later this changed and I went up alone with Munavvar. On the stones of the roof was spread a Persian rug and on this we would lie together, Munavvar and I, and under the midnight sky, talk of deep things till our Lord appeared.

And indeed on that roof He was an Apparition. I can see Him now, pacing up and down, up and down, with that swift, free tread which is somehow like floating, His white garments blowing about Him in long, sweeping lines. His background: millions of stars.

On the night of that third of July, Munavvar and I were alone, sitting on a parapet, looking out beyond the strong double sea wall to the sea; to our right, in the moonlight, the dome and minaret of the mosque and a tall palm tree; to the left, the garden of the Master; behind us, the grim, square barracks, first prison in 'Akká of the Blessed Perfection and His Family.

"I have such a funny little message for our Lord from my mother," I said. "I don't know how I shall ever give it to Him!"

"I wonder," Munavvar laughed, "if it is like the message of the mother of Laura Barney!"

"I shouldn't be surprised! It is about my art. She wants me to give up teaching in the Cause--my precious little mother!--and devote all my time to my art."

"Well, isn't that funny!" said Munavvar, "That is just what our Lord was saying to me yesterday. He said He had a message for your mother. That she did not understand your giving up everything for the Cause, neglecting your art to devote yourself to the Cause. Europeans, He said, did not understand these things. He was going to speak to you about it."^[33]

5 July 1909

Early morning tea

Our Lord to X, who was to leave that morning: "This is the third time you have been here. It has been a great pleasure for you to have been with your friends each time. Now a long trip is before you. If throughout this trip you are always sincere in your intentions you will enjoy it very much. This ought to be a spiritual and not a physical journey. You must always do your best to behave spiritually, not physically, so that everyone who meets you will know that your intention is to do good to mankind and your aim to serve the world of humanity.

Whatever you do, let the people know you are doing it for good, not only to earn you own living. By doing thus you will be able to serve every city to which you go. Now associate with good people. You must try to associate with those who will do you good and who will be the cause of your being more awakened, and not with those who will make you negligent of God. For example, if one goes into a garden and associates with flowers, one will surely inhale the beautiful fragrance, but if one goes to a place where there are bad-scented plants, it is sure he will inhale an unpleasant odour. In short, I mean that you will try to be with those who are purified and sanctified souls. Man must always associate with those from whom he can get light, or be with those to whom he can give light. He must either receive or give instructions. Otherwise, being with people without these two intentions, he is spending his time for nothing, and, by so doing, he is neither gaining nor causing others to gain.

"You must keep these words very well. This is the third time you have come here. Fruits must be the results of these visits. Patients go to a hospital. Some leave but slightly improved. Some leave more ill than when they entered. And some leave entirely cured. I hope you will be of those who are entirely cured. You must be very thankful that you have come."

In His room fifteen minutes later

To X: "You have made your third visit here. Know that We have been very kind to you and We love you very much here. It is rare that believers come here three times. You must appreciate and be very thankful for this. You must appreciate this great blessing and act as is

worthy of a spiritual daughter, so that when I hear news of you I shall be happy.

"May God protect you under all circumstances."

5 July 1909

He sent for me. Taking off my shoes, I entered the beloved room and sat in my place at His feet, on His left. My place. May I be there forevermore in spirit! It was always to this place He beckoned me. First I would kneel, then sit in the Oriental way. He would draw me close, would gather my hand into His, would sometimes press my head against His knee.

"I am going to give you a message to your mother today," He said with His smile of love. "Now, give Me her message. Speak. Say. Do not be afraid."

"She told me to give You her dearest love."

"Ah!" He smiled.

"And to tell You I was her dear, precious child ..."

"Ah, very good!" He pressed my hand, smiling.

"And to say ..."

"Speak. Go on."

"That she did not wish me to be a teacher in the Cause. She wished me to devote my time to my art, which was a gift from heaven. That I was not qualified to teach. That I was too sympathetic to enter into peoples' lives to the extent I did. That I let people make inroads into my home for the sake of what I thought my duty. That she wanted me to change all this and become devoted to my art."

"Is there anything else?" He asked.

"No; I think not."

"Give your mother My best love. Tell her you are her

dear child; you are her daughter. But though you are her physical child, you are My spiritual child, and I love you and you are dearer to Me than you are to her, and I am kinder to you than she is and I want your good more than she does and I think of you more than she does.

"As to your art: It is one of the Teachings of Bahá'u'lláh that art is identical with an act of worship. And you must go on with your art and improve in it. And through this very Cause you will be able to make great progress in your art, for you shall be helped from Above.

"But as to your being a teacher: In a short time your mother will be proud that you are a teacher. This is an eternal honour upon your family. Lately I have seen that God is looking upon your family with eyes of Providence. Though your mother does not realize it now, in the future she shall know that this is a cause of eternal honour to your family.

"You must do both. You must be a teacher and go on with your art. And give some time to your mother.

"What do you think of these messages to your mother?"

"What do I think of the rays of the Sun that give Life?"

"I am glad to see so much love in your heart."

"How is it that the Lord of mankind has drawn to Himself such a tiny atom, such a little piece of nothing?"

"My wish for you is that you make spiritual progress, more and more."

When He spoke of my art, He pressed the palms of my hands. When he spoke of my teaching, He pressed my head and shoulders.

To be so near, so near that great Dynamo of Love, to

have been lifted up out of the mass of God's needy creatures and drawn to the Heart of the Divine Magnet--may my life blood flow in gratitude!

5 July 1909

Luncheon

Our Lord: "There are two kinds of changes and alterations. One causes descent and one ascent. The one which causes descent is not good, but on the contrary. The other change, which causes ascent, is acceptable.

"For example, a child from the time of being in the womb of its mother until it grows to maturity, changes in many stations, and this change is accepted and praiseworthy. For instance, 'Mr MacNutt'" (smiling toward little Howard Kinney, whom He always called "Mr MacNutt" after his godfather, Howard MacNutt, a very dignified man who looks something like George Washington) "after many years will grow up and pass through many changes and will get moustaches and a beard and will be a man!

"Consider the bread. It changes and changes until it gives power to the body--and then it becomes man. This change is acceptable, because it replaces what has been eliminated from the body. The mineral carbon changes in many stations until diamonds are produced from it.

"But the change which is hated in all cases is, for example, as follows: A man is faithful; he gives up his faith. A just man becomes cruel. A seer, a clear-sighted man, becomes blind. Or: to be alive and then to die; to be steadfast in the Covenant and, for some idea, to become the enemy, like Khayru'lláh.^[34] At first he was a

very firm man and was in the utmost faith. Then he wavered. Such a change is hated.

"Many firm souls had the greatest capacity and were like the wick and fire. As soon as they came in contact with the fire they received light. By a single meeting they were so improved and converted that they were entirely changed. While others were for a long time My companions, yet never changed. You find a man will be wakened by a single call. Another is never quickened even if you discharge a cannon! As soon as the ray of the sun shines through crystal it will burn, but if the same ray fall on a stone, no effect is produced."

When He spoke of Khayru'lláh I looked at my Lord, startled and anxious. Could He mean that I might prove weak? He smiled at me--oh, with such sweetness. My fears vanished before that sun!

He called Mr Kinney's attention to the rice.

"Rice. Rice," He said in English, "very good." Then looking at me and laughing: "She is smiling at My English!"

"I smile because Your voice makes me happier than anything in the world."

Soon, sensing my wish to speak to Him, only for the sake of speaking to Him: "Speak. Speak."

But I had really nothing to say! I brought forth this: "Even this physical food is the best in the world."

"That is because of your intense love. A poison given by a friend is like honey. A Persian poet says: 'The poison which comes from Thee to me is my antidote. A wound from Thee is remedy.' Certainly these physical dishes are tasteful to you because you have the greatest love."

I supplicated that He might give me poison and wound me in His Cause, that I might be found worthy of this.

"I will. When afflictions and bitter conditions taste sweet to man, this shows that he is favoured in the sight of God."

Mr Kinney said: "I am not eating now, but my Master is feeding me."

Our Lord: "I, Myself, am the Food."

As He spoke His head was bowed, His hands upturned, like cups, in His lap. He sat, the embodiment of Divine humility. A great Mystery flooded the room, and a tremendous Power.

"How like Jesus that sounds!" whispered Mr Kinney.

"Jesus," said our Lord, His head still bowed, "was the Bread that came down from Heaven, but I am the Food prepared by the Blessed Beauty, Bahá'u'lláh."

After a moment of dazzling silence, little Sandy said, "Why are you crying, mother?"

I could not cry. I seemed to be translated into the Spiritual Kingdom.

In few moments the Master turned to me and smiled. "Eat. Eat, Juliet."

Because He had told me to eat, I felt that I must. I did so; finished the food on my plate to the last morsel, though I could scarcely swallow it. For the time, I was of the Heavenly Kingdom, made of other elements. The physical food was like dust and ashes in my mouth. Coarse grained, too, it seemed.

Later I understood what He had really meant by "Eat, Juliet." He had invited me to partake of the Food prepared by the Blessed Beauty.

In the large tea room

5 July 1909, 5 p.m. Afternoon tea.

Our Lord: "We ought to pray for Miss X, that she may become just as God wishes her to be. If she be so, it will be very good, because God always loves those who repent and are sorry for what they have done. Such people are ashamed before God and become very humble.

"Once a Pharisee and a Publican entered the Temple to pray. The Pharisee said: 'Thank God I am not as other men.' The other said: 'God have mercy upon me, a sinner!' Christ said of these two: 'The Pharisee is not acceptable in the Kingdom of God, but the other is acceptable, because the Pharisee is trusting in his own action, but the other is depending upon the forgiveness of God.'^[35]

"But the only thing is this: One should remain firm in his repentance. I will pray for her."

In His room

6 July 1909. Morning.

He sent for me, called me into His room this morning. Taking my hands in His Life-giving hands. He asked me those first dear questions: "Are you happy, Juliet?"

"So happy!"

"Are you well?"

"Thou knowest, my Lord."

He told me He was pleased with me. Then He asked me for the verbal messages. He forgets nothing.

I gave Him dear Sylvia Gannett's message.

"She is such a beautiful spirit," I said. "She is a peacemaker. She never criticizes anyone"

"It is a very good quality that she does not talk about others' faults, for many troubles are caused by speaking against one another. Because to talk badly behind the people is very bad."

I spoke of Herbert Rich and received a wonderful private message for him.

To Miss Colt (who had sent the humblest of supplications): "Give My kindest love to Miss Colt and say: You are worthy of everything. Tell her that if she were not a worthy soul she would not have been blessed with entering this Cause and she could not be able to follow the Word of God. She was not unable to hear the Words of the Kingdom. I will pray for her."

"What do you think of all these messages? I give them to you because of the love in your heart."

I spoke of May Maxwell and Mariam Haney and said they were beautiful.

"You are all beautiful," He replied. "And Mrs True?" He then asked.

"I don't know Mrs True, except through letters."

"I love Mrs True very much."

I spoke of Mr MacNutt and Mr Harris, and also mentioned Mr Hoar. "They have borne so beautifully," I said, "their ordeals of the past winter."^[36]

He was silent for a moment, then asked: "Cannot you unite these two factions?"

"O my Lord!" I gasped. "I! I have longed for years to see them united."

"I know. That is why I love you so. You can do it because you have love."

"If it is Thy command, I can do it, for Thou wilt help me. I have not been able in the past because I had not enough love and was not patient enough with those who see less clearly than others." (I meant those who belittled His station, comparing Him with the apostle Peter.)

"You must become more patient. It would be well if some others would help you. For instance, Lua Getsinger, Miss Barney, Mrs Brittingham, Mrs Maxwell, also Mrs Kinney, and anyone else you think would promote harmony. If you could have feasts and meetings in your houses and bring together the chief speakers in the utmost love; and if, when you have the opportunity, you would speak to them on the importance of unity, it would be very well. You will be assisted in this."

"Why is it the Lord of mankind has been so bountiful to this atom?"

"If you all could know how I love you, you would fly away with joy!"

"Think of Me often," He said. "Think of the times you have spent here. I hope you will become the daughter of the Kingdom; that you will become the essence of purity and very heavenly; that you will become enlightened by the light of the Love of God and the cause of the enlightenment of other maidservants. Is there anything else?"

"There are three little things in my heart, my Lord."

"What are they?"

"I have a little godchild named for me, who was born under very unfortunate circumstances."

"I will pray for her that she will be blessed both in this

world and in the spiritual world." The love and the understanding beaming from His face set my heart forever at rest for the little Juliet.

"My brother?"

His smile became brilliant. "Your brother!" (in His ringing English). Every one of His words in English burns into your soul. Oh, if I only knew Persian! "Well, what is it for your brother? Speak!"

"My Lord, he is like a beautiful rose bud: not yet opened."

Looking at me with divine loving kindness, He said: "I hope this bud will become a beautiful full-blown rose and exhale the sweetest fragrance. What else?"

"My Lord," I said, "I pray that Percy Grant may become a believer."

He pressed my hand two or three times and laughed, and smiled down at me.

"Do you want this very much?"

"Oh my Lord, yes! So much!"

"I will pray for this. I will pray for this. But," and He smiled again, indulgently, "you too must make an effort. You must help him. I will pray for him."

Then He dismissed me. Kissing the hem of His garment, I left Him.

6 July 1909

Luncheon

Our Lord: "Afflictions and troubles are due to the state of not being content with what God has ordained for one. If one submits himself to God, he is always happy. A man asked another: 'In what station are you?' The other answered: 'In the utmost happiness.' 'Where does

this happiness come from?' 'Because all existing things move according to my wish. I do not find anything contrary to my desire. Therefore I have no sorrow. There is no doubt that all the beings move by the Will of God, and I have given up my own will, desiring the Will of God. Thus my will became the Will of God, for there is nothing of myself. All are moving by His Will, yet they are moving by my own will. In this case, I am very happy.'

"When man surrenders himself, everything will move according to his wish."

__________

"Today I have answered the questions of all. Now you are left, Mr Kinney!"

Mr Kinney: "There is only one question in my soul. How can I love you more?"

Our Lord: "I will answer you later."

Mr Kinney: "The Board of Council^[37] has met for three years past in my studio and I am very proud of it."

Our Lord: "It is indeed worthy to be proud of. I hope your home may always be the place of the gatherings; that the beloved of God may always come together there, be engaged in commemoration of God, have heavenly talks and speak through the confirmation of the Holy Spirit. Your home will be one of the heavenly constellations, Inshá'lláh, and the stars will gather there."

Mr Kinney: "What could I ask for more?"

Our Lord: "There is nothing superior to this."

6 July 1909

Dinner

Our Lord (through an interpreter): "The spiritual food is the principal food, whereas the physical food is not so important. The effect of the spiritual food is eternal. Through the material food the body exists, but through the spiritual food the spirit will be nourished. The material food, that is, the food for the body, is simply water and bread, but the food for the intellect is knowledge and the food for the spirit is the significances of the Heavenly Words and the bounties of the Holy Spirit.

"If there were no love, nothing would be pleasing. Many come here and eat, but they do not appreciate it."

The Master had written a Tablet to the believers in Tihrán that they should organize a meeting in which Bahá'í women will teach and train others to teach the Cause. Now they have written the news to the Master that they have arranged this meeting and nineteen girls and women attend. This meeting will advance directly, and will be the cause of developing the girls in every way.

In our Lord's room

7 July 1909. Morning.

While Munavvar Khánum, Carrie, Alice, and I were in the room of our Lord this morning, suddenly smiling at me, He said: "Do you think your mother will like My message to her?"

"Her heart is so pure she must love it, Lord." My hand was in His.

"She will like that part about your art," He said, with His witty smile.

"She said you would straighten out my life."

"Say to her: I have two arts: one physical, the other spiritual. The physical one is that I draw the images of men. My spiritual art is that I draw the images of the angels, and I hope that at last I shall be able to draw pictures of the Perfections of God. My physical art will at last end, but my spiritual art is everlasting. My physical art can be done by many, but my spiritual art is not the work of everyone. My physical art makes me dear to men, but my spiritual art makes me dear to God. Therefore I work to perfect both of them."

"Thou hast straightened out my life!"

With his smile of light He said: "I am the Heavenly Artist. Although I am sitting here, my pen is working in every part of the world, over the pages of the hearts."

7 July 1909

At luncheon

At this meal I was sitting beside Him.

Our Lord (through an interpreter): "The Master's love for you is like an ocean and your love is like a drop. The distress and calamities which the Master has endured for your sake for many years, you could not endure for one day. And now, should anyone offer Him the entire existent world in exchange for one of you, He would not accept it. This means that one of you is dearer to Him than the whole world. If a thousand swords be used on the Master's neck, or against Him, He accepts that, but would not be content that one hair of your head should be taken away.

"About two years ago some spies came from Constan-

tinople and it was a terrible day for the Master. He sent all the believers from 'Akká that none should be harmed but Himself. He sent them all away that no one should stay in 'Akká except Himself--that if there were any kind of calamity, it should be for Him alone.^[38]

"You must realize by this expression how much He loves the believers."

The Master groaned, and left the table.

__________

Every afternoon Túbá and Munavvar Khánum, Carrie and Alice and I had tea in the room of our Lord. On this seventh of July we had a most heavenly talk. Returning to my room with a yearning heart, breaking under His Love, and with a devastating sense of my own unworthiness, I wrote Him a supplication. I told Him my heart was paralyzed by His bounties and it killed me to think that this heart, receiving so much, realized so little. I begged Him to open it wider and wider to the rays of His sacred Love.

Scarcely had I finished this pitiful little plea when I saw Him standing at my door. That Holy Figure in white in the sunlit court! I gave Him my supplication. He took it and, calling Munavvar Khánum, beckoned us both to follow Him to His room. Then He asked Munavvar to translate it. When she had done so, He simply said, "Khaylí khúb," (Very well) and dismissed me.

Later in the afternoon, the Master struck me the first blow! The beginning of the shattering of my earthly hopes. After this, He took from the inside pocket of His long, flowing cloak my supplication. Unfolding the paper and looking at me with grave sweetness, he

pointed to the last paragraph, "May my heart open wider and wider to the rays of Thy sacred Love." He then folded it again and put it back in His breast-pocket.

Still later in the afternoon

"My daughter! My dear! My soul! My spirit!"

"Lord, anything You send me I will bear."

"Yes. Yes."

I was on my knees. I looked up to see the Christ-Face yearning over me, His hands raised in blessing above my head. I shall never forget that Face. It was lifted as though in prayer, His eyes closed, His lips apart.

Then He held my head against His heart, and I heard the Heart of 'Abdu'l-Bahá beat.

I went to my room. Standing, facing His room, I reached out my arms and my heart cried: I love You. But I made no sound. Almost instantly He appeared at my door. I knelt in the doorway. "I love You; I love You," I said. He looked at me with unearthly luminous eyes, then turned away. Once more I held out my arms. He looked back.

The night of the seventh of July we all sat on the roof. He was in His little room on the roof. He sent out His cloak to put around Carrie, who felt cold, and she shared it with me. My tears fell on His cloak. I had realized this: "With His stripes are we healed."^[39]

7 July 1909, 9 p.m.

At dinner

Our Lord: "Since the day you arrived you have daily progressed and you have almost changed.

"Some souls come here and return unaltered. It is precisely like one who comes to a fountain and, not being thirsty, returns exactly as he came. Or, like a blind man who goes into a rose garden: he perceives not, and, being questioned as to what he has seen in the rose garden, answers, 'Nothing.'

"But some souls who come here are resuscitated. They come dead; they return alive. They come frail or ill in body; they return healed. They come athirst; they return satisfied. They come sorrowing; they return joyous. They come deprived; they return having partaken of a share. They come athirst; they return satisfied!

"These souls have in reality done justice to their visit. Praise be to God, you are of these souls and you must be exceedingly happy.

"If a cow should go to a prosperous town, a city full of bounties and divine blessings, and should be asked as to what it had found in this town, it would say, 'Nothing but cucumber peels and melon rinds.' But if a nightingale should fly to a rose garden, when it returns the reply would be, 'Verily, I have scented delicious fragrances, seen most beautiful flowers, most delightful verdure, drunk most refreshing water from gushing fountains; and I have found new life!' Now the reply of a beetle would be, 'All you have heard concerning the rose garden is false. There is neither a delightful fragrance nor beauty of verdure, nor is it joyous. In fact, when I entered it, I was displeased. All you have heard is false. Had I not escaped, I should have died!'"

8 July 1909

In the morning of 8 July, the Master rushed with tremendous energy into my room and placed me with His two hands on the divan, then, going down to the garden and into a little house below my window, He dictated Tablets all morning, every now and then coming to the window, standing in the sunlight and looking up at me. Never shall I forget the Face of my King at the window. Just before He left the house in the garden, once more He looked up. I was faithful at my post; in fact, I had not dared even to move.

In His room

Afternoon, 7 July 1909

Munavvar, Carrie, Alice, Juliet

"All this trouble and hardship is just for this end: that you may love one another as you should, so that you may be perfectly united."

To Carrie Kinney: "Let Me give you the good tidings that your family and your children will be greatly helped; and you must be very happy for this. I love your 'Mr MacNutt' very much. It is good that you have two Mr MacNutts! Others have one Mr MacNutt, but you have two! Of course you love Mr MacNutt, because he has been the cause of your spiritual life. The physical father is the cause of the material life, but Mr MacNutt was the cause of your spiritual life. Therefore you owe him much."

8 July 1909

At Luncheon

The Master spoke of the many letters He had answered that morning and of the packages still unopened. Mr Kinney said: "I will write Your letters for You!"

Our Lord: "Very good; very good. Write a letter and answer it yourself. Look into your heart and see the answer. The answer is what is written on the tablet of your heart. That which is written upon paper is subject to corruption and various accidents, such as consumption by fire and moth, but that which is inscribed on the tablet of the heart is imperishable and everlasting. A day will come when all My communications upon paper--all My writing--will be effaced. But that which I have inscribed upon the hearts will not be effaced. There is no end to it. For I write the Word of the Love of God upon the hearts, and the Word of God is eternal."

The Master said He was exceedingly happy because of Mr Kinney's presence at the table (after a short illness), "for we are all assembled together."

"Just consider what the Bounty of Abhá has achieved! Just observe in what a condition we are! Imagine not that if you were to sacrifice all upon earth, you could produce this attitude."

Little Howard (aged four) from his high chair: "Won't the Master come to New York?"

Our Lord: "Perhaps you do not know that I am always there with you, for though My body is absent, My heart is there; My Spirit is there."

Mr Kinney (to the interpreter): "Tell the Master He will always be an honoured Guest."

Our Lord: "I am the Host, not a guest. For to be a guest is to be there temporarily, whereas the Host stays forever."

__________

One day at lunch a huge dish of macaroni was put on the table. The Master, laughing, rose from His seat, took the platter in His own hands, brought it to little Howie's high chair and served him a very big helping. Then He told us that "Mr MacNutt" had come to His door that morning, had taken off his shoes and left them on the door step, then had run to Him, the Master, where He was sitting by the window, thrown his arms around the Master's neck and whispered in His ear: "My Lord, can't we have macaroni for lunch?"

"He is never allowed it at home," laughed Carrie.

In the Master's room

8 July 1909

In the early afternoon He called us all into His room. Beckoning me to sit in my accustomed place and taking my hand in His, He began: "You are fortunate that during these few days I have not been very busy, for to some others it happened I had less time to give them.

"The desire of My heart is that each of you, when you return to America, will be just like a torch flaming with the Love of God, and that your speech will be wonderfully loosened, so that when you enter the meetings, you will enter them with full eloquence and with perfect courage. I kiss the mouth of Sandy so that he may have wonderful speech, especially for this purpose."

He then dictated messages to various believers. On our expressing regret at burdening Him with so many, He

said: "Everything that is a sign of your love toward one another, though it take my time, yet it makes me happy. And if you will realize how much I love you all, you will know that even were I occupied day and night with your affairs, I would never tire. For My Love is not a physical one to make Me tired. My Love is purely spiritual and divine. Therefore I am never tired."

Through Carrie to Mrs Gibbons:^[40] "You must always look forward to My will and desire. My will and desire are that you should honour and respect all humankind, especially the believers. Never try to be the cause of hurting anyone's feelings. On the contrary, make every effort to become the happiness of hearts. There is no greater sin than the breaking of hearts and there is no greater action than to be the cause of the happiness of hearts. If you want My happiness, try to be kind to Dr Fischer,"^[41] (as I caught my breath in wonder at His knowledge, He smiled down at me) "and do something that no ill-feeling may exist any more between you."

Carrie asked for a message for Mrs MacNutt, "if it is not too much."

(To us:) "I love you all so much that the more I mention you the happier I become. Say to Mrs MacNutt: Though you stayed in 'Akká a short time, it is as though you had stayed one year, for in that short time the instructions and teachings of God were revealed to you and you have accepted them with a pure heart, for you had the capacity for receiving the divine bounties. Therefore, in a short time you have attained to a new spirit. I ask God that you make progress day by day and that you

may have a greater portion of the bounties of Bahá'u'lláh."

Through Alice to Robert Rich: "Give My love to him and say: Mrs Beede mentioned you here and said good things about you. I know you have gone through sufferings in your life, but the sufferings and troubles in this world are the cause of awakening one. Therefore, you must be thankful for what sufferings you have and give thanks to God that you have not been shaken by your tests. For the tests are very great and sometimes will be the cause of one's being quite neglectful. But, thanks be to God, you have faced them firmly. I will pray for you, so you may obtain the desire of your heart."

Through me to Thorton Chase: "Give My greetings to Mr Chase and say: Miss Juliet mentioned you here with love and with a face full of light. And she mentioned your kindness to her. I am pleased with you. And for your endeavour and zeal in serving the Kingdom of God I am very happy. And I hope you will yourself become the embodiment of the instructions of Bahá'u'lláh, so that each one who sees you and knows your actions will know that the teachings of Bahá'u'lláh are manifesting through you."

To Mr Windust^[42] through me: "Give Mr Windust My kindest love and say: Though physically I have not met you, in reality I have seen you often. Why? Because in Spirit and heart I am always with you. I am inseparable from you. And I know your desire is My good-pleasure. Therefore I am pleased with you."

Through me to Annie Boylan: "Your message was delivered and the good tidings of the union and harmony

among the believers of New York caused a happiness in My heart. For each one in this world has a desire. But My desire is the realization of the perfect love in the world of humanity. The mention and thought of all the believers day and night, must be love, union, and brotherhood. This union will be the cause of their progress in all conditions."

Through Alice to Mason Remey: "Give My greatest love to Mr Remey and say: You are very dear to me. You are so dear that I think of you day and night. You are My real son. Therefore I have an idea for you. I hope it may come to pass."

He turned to me and, smiling, said: "Do you love Mr Remey?"

It crucified me, but I answered, "Yes." Again the Master smiled.

Later, while I dwelt in anguish on the significance of His words--while the pencil with which I was taking them down slipped from my hand--He turned to me smiling again and, pointing to my notebook, said: "Write; write!"

Soon He dismissed us.

__________

Near sunset we went to the Holy Tomb.

Just before we went He came to our room--Alice's and mine--and, seating Himself on the couch, while as usual I sat at His feet, He said: "Now I am sending you to the Tomb, and you should ask there all you wish and desire. And I will pray also, here, for what you pray. And there you will pray for everything you wish."

In that unutterably holy place I prayed for unity in New York. I prayed to be strengthened to fulfil His Will. I implored for strength to meet my great tests. I prayed for my father, mother, and brother and for every friend I could

think of. Then I took from my heart the love of my life and gave it into the hand of Bahá'u'lláh. I asked but one thing: that this once-beloved of my heart might know His Beauty and might serve His Threshold.

8 July 1909

Dinner, 9 p.m.

Our Lord, smiling: "Are you happy owing to your visit to the Tomb? Mrs B. [Beede]?

Alice, with a face all shadows and tragedy: "You must feel that I never was so happy."

Our Lord: "Although our assembly tonight numbers only ten outwardly, in reality it is representative of all the beloved of God. Why? Because it pictures the Bahá'í community. The seed, no matter how small, in the estimation of the perceptive mind, is a veritable tree. The mind images the tree and the tree is revealed from the seed. Likewise, when I see you it is as though I were seeing all the beloved of God. The Teachings I give to you are the Teachings I would give to all the beloved of God.

"Today when you visited the Holy Tomb, I during that very time directed My attention to the Supreme Concourse of the Kingdom of Abhá and supplicated confirmations in your favour.

"Praise be to God, your hearts are overflowing with the Love of God and you have no great attachment to this world. The thing which is necessary for you now is discourse. It is My hope that you will attain an eloquent discourse, for I have loved you exceedingly. Consequently I anticipate an eloquent, expressive, and excellent discourse on your part after your arrival in America. Rest assured in the fact that the breaths of the Holy Spirit will

aid you, provided no doubts obtain in your hearts. Is not this so, Juliet? Is not this so, Mrs B.?"

He helped each of us from His plate. To me He gave His bread. I was sitting beside Him.

"You will remember these nights very often. These nights are rare. They are not obtained always.

"I hope the party that has come, Mr and Mrs Kinney, Mrs B., and Juliet, will be real Bahá'ís and that your deeds and actions will manifest this when you return to New York. I have given you so many blessings. I hope you will be able to speak fluently and with great power in the meetings and share with the rest of the friends what you have received here."

That night (8 July) I went to the housetop alone with Munavvar Khánum.

"Dear," I said, "do you remember my supplication that Percy Grant might become a believer? I have had only one strong love in my life: for him. We both knew it the moment we met. Then a blow came, and I refused to see him any more. I even left New York for a time because, really providentially, only a day or two after that blow, I was called to Washington to paint a portrait. And in Washington, Munavvar, Ahmad showed me a Tablet just arrived from the Master to a friend of mine, who had mentioned Percy Grant in one of her supplications--merely mentioned his name in a prayer for him--a Tablet in which was a message to him and to myself:

'Say to Percy Grant and Juliet Thompson: O ye intelligent ones, there is no rest or tranquillity in this world. There is no composure of mind. The world is in need of the Heavenly Glad-Tidings. Therefore, turn

ye to the Kingdom of Abhá and seek after spiritual attraction, for life without this is death and this evanescent world like the mirage in the desert.'

__________

"This is as well as I can remember it. And ever since then this spiritual attraction has been growing. But today I took this love out of my heart and returned it to God. And now I am ready to do the Master's Will."

"Why did you do this, dear?"

"Because I believed it to the be the Master's Will."

"What made you think that?"

"Don't you know?"

"Yes, dear, I think I do. Something He said this afternoon?"

"Yes, dear."

"Our Lord has asked me to speak about this to you, Juliet. He seems to wish it very much. He knows this other man too, but He thinks Mr Remey would be better. But He also wishes to know your own feelings."

"He knows my own feelings, Munavvar darling. There is no flinching in me that He does not know. But I have prayed to make any sacrifice and I could have no greater opportunity. I could make no greater sacrifice than in marrying a man I did not love. But for the Master's sake I would do it joyfully."

"But, dear, He would not wish you to go against your inner feelings. Tell me about it."

"Perhaps I am too much attracted by people of brilliant intellect. And this man I love has such a powerful one! But how can I think of my own preferences when the Master wishes something else for me?"

Suddenly our Lord appeared on the housetop. Walking

up and down like a king, He began to talk to us. I listened in breathless wonder. Most of what He said has escaped me. I can only write fragments.

He told me He wished me to have a great power of discourse. He spoke of love. He said I had a great capacity for love, that this was the promising sign in me. "Qurratu'l-'Ayn,"^[43] He said, "had nothing but her love. This was her power."

I spoke of how deeply I felt my unworthiness.

"Capacity attracts," He answered. "The greater your capacity, the more you will be filled. When the child is hungry and cries for milk, the milk of the mother begins to flow rapidly."

I could scarcely speak after all He said. When His bounties are pouring upon me I always feel paralyzed. All my senses are numb, dead. It kills me to be so, beneath the outpourings of His generosity. To be in the Presence of the Lord and not aglow! I am filled with shame and the sense of my utter unworthiness. I murmured to Munavvar Khánum: "Say to our Lord for me: What matters the physical life now? I can do nothing for Him, for Whom I want to do everything, but follow His commands and wishes to the minutest detail."

He then came and sat on the rug beside us and began to speak of Mason Remey. Oh, to picture Him as He was then--no longer the Lord, the King, but the tender Father--a something eager (if I may use the word) in His manner and tone.

He told me He loved Mason Remey so much and He loved me so much that He wished us to marry. That was

the meaning of His message to Mason. He said it would be a perfect union and good for the Cause. Then He asked me how I felt about it.

I answered: "I will gladly fulfil Thy wish."

"But what are your inner feelings?"

"Lord, Thou knowest my inner feelings."

"You love this other man? You love?"

"It is secondary now. My only desire is to fulfil Thy Will. Thou knowest best. My only desire is to give all I have for Thee--to give my dearest. I can do this now. This is my opportunity."

"But, my daughter, My wish is for your happiness. You must be frank with Me about it. The inner feelings cannot be forced. In speaking with you just now I was giving you spiritual commands. This is different; this is material, and, in regard to it, I am not commanding but suggesting. This union with Mr Remey is merely an idea, a suggestion of Mine."

"Thy suggestions and ideas come from the Infinite Wisdom."

"But--understand Me--I wish your happiness."

"I should rather follow Thy wish. I should be happier following Thy wish than in marrying the man I love."

"Well, is it possible for you to love Mr Remey as you do this other man?"

"Is it possible, Lord?"

"If it is possible to love Mr Remey equally well, for him to take the place of the other, then I should be glad." He paused a moment. "But your marrying the other is very good, if you can make him a believer. And you must pray for it. If you see that he has an inclination to become a believer, even before he does so, you can

marry him. If you can lead him to the Cause this is very, very good. Am I not a kind Father?" He asked.

I spoke brokenly of His Love.

"I am the Essence of Love."

I remember His saying later: "Appreciate this night. Many a soul, both now and throughout the ages, would give their lives for five moments of such a night on this roof with Me--and with Munavvar Khánum."

During the tender talk that followed, I asked: "May I come here again?"

"Yes; yes!" He replied. "You have permission to come whenever you find you can do so."

Ah, "many a soul, both now and throughout the ages, would give their lives for five moments of such a night on the roof with Him--and with Munavvar Khánum."

9 July 1909

Morning

He called me to His little room. Túbá Khánum interpreted for me. What He said to me I cannot tell--only a tiny part.

"You have stood a very great test. I love you dearly. Your tests have been very, very great. And when they came you did not flinch" (raising His hand with a strong gesture) "but stood firm and met them bravely. And they were very great."

"My Lord, I have been grieving for not having met them more perfectly."

Then followed what I cannot tell. Only my Lord, Túbá and myself, and Beings in the Unseen World who live in the Presence of the Master, know what He said to me then. I wept at His feet.

"What I have told you is because of this," He said, "this condition of your heart."

"Be happy," He continued. "Think if you were at the feet of Christ in His time, His hand covering yours."

"I am so unworthy. I am so dead. Quicken me into Life!"

"I will. Be at rest, and I will. I will widen you. I love your love."

"Perhaps I feel so dead in order to realize that everything comes from Thee, that without Thee I am indeed dead. Without Thee I can do nothing."

At the end He said: "Go, and be My light in America."

Kissing the hem of His garment, I left Him.

A little later, still on the housetop, He pointed to the waning moon. "The moon ... the stars ... the East ... no! I am the Sun of the West!" He said.

"For us? Us Christians?"

"Yes. For you."

After an interval: "I am not worthy, Lord, that Thy Glory should be revealed to me yet?"

"No."

"But some day?"

"Yes."

There was a flash from His eyes. For an instant they were like brilliant stars before which the stars in heaven paled. Then He veiled them with His lids. Two more flashes, and they became as usual. Unworthy though He had found me, He, in His mercy and love, gave me three glimpses of His Glory.

"My Spirit loves your spirit. I love your heart." He touched my heart; and it leapt beneath His fingers.

"The strings of my heart vibrate," I said, "beneath the fingers of the Divine Musician."

He touched it again; and again it was strangely stirred. "Ahh!" I breathed.

"Why 'Ahh'?"

"This heart will sing for Thee forever!"

He covered my lips with His hand.

"Love," He said. For a moment he lifted His hand.

"Love," I repeated. His hand closed again on my lips.

"Love!" He said, lifting His hand.

"Love," I repeated. He made me repeat it many times.

He touched my eyes and my forehead.

"I am Thy new creation," I said. "Keep me unspotted from the world." I had been kneeling at His feet. I raised my face and looked up. That Face of Grandeur, the long grey hair blown about it, under the stars!

"My Lord!"

"Yes!" with incredible majesty.

"My King!"

"Yes!"

"O Christ!"

There was no answer.

"Word of God!"

"Yes!"

"King of the Seen and the Unseen!"

"Yes!"

"Prince of Peace!"

"Ah. Peace ..." He seemed to sigh the word: from that housetop, across the world. I shall never forget the heartbreak in the sigh.

Then, turning to me: "I am thy Father. Say: Thou art my Father."

"Thou art my Father."

"I am thy King. Say: Thou art my King."

"Thou art my King."

"I am thy Beloved."

"Thou art my Beloved!"

9 July 1909

Luncheon, 12:30

Our Lord: "How spiritual are our meetings! In the utmost love are we set aglow! The hearts are all attracted to each other. It is just like being one soul, one body. Such a meeting as this is impossible and cannot be organized save through the Love of God. There is no material interest whatsoever. There is no worldly desire at all. In the utmost purity and holiness has the Force of Divinity assembled us. All, with perfect sincerity, are directing our attention to the Kingdom of Abhá, and our greatest desire is His good-pleasure.

"New pilgrims have arrived from Persia. Souls firm in the Covenant have arrived. They have come in the utmost love. The Light of the Love of God is radiant in their countenances.

"Yesterday Mr Kinney asked me concerning music and I promised I would answer him today:

"Music is of the important arts. It has a great effect upon the human spirit. Musical melodies are a certain something which prove an accidental^[44] upon ethereal vibrations. For voice is nothing but the expression of vibrations, charged therewith, which affect the nerves of the ear. Musical melodies are therefore those peculiar effects which are produced by vibrations. However, music

has the keenest effect upon spirits. Although it is a material affair, its tremendous effect is spiritual and its greatest attachment is to the realm of the spirit.

"If a person desires to deliver a discourse, it would prove more effective after musical melodies. The ancient Greek philosophers, as well as the Persian, were in the habit of delivering their discourses in the following manner: First, there would be musical melodies, and when the audience had been influenced to a certain extent thereby, they would leave their instruments and begin their discourse.

"Among the most ancient musicians of Persia was one named Barbad. When a great question was asked at the court of the king and the ministers failed in persuading the king, the matter would be referred to Barbad. Whereupon Barbad would go with his instrument to the court and would play the most appropriate and touching music: and the end would at once be gained. Because the king would immediately be affected by the musical melodies. Certain feelings of generosity would swell in his heart, and he would give way.

"You may try this. If you have a great desire for something, if you wish earnestly to attain your end, try to attain it in a musical audience. But there are people who are like stones, and music cannot affect a stone.

"Now let us go back to the original subject: Music is an important means for the education and development of humanity. But the main cause for the development of humanity is the Teaching of God.

"Music is like this glass which is perfectly pure and polished. It is precisely like this clear chalice before us. And the Teachings and Utterances of God are like the water. When the chalice is in the utmost state of purity, absolutely clear and polished, and the water is perfectly

fresh, then it will confer life. Wherefore, the Teachings of God, whether they be Utterances in the form of homilies, or prayers and communes, when they are melodiously chanted will proved most impressive. It is for this reason that His Holiness David sang the psalms with melody in the Holy of Holies at Jerusalem.

"In this Cause the art of music is of paramount importance. The Blessed Perfection, Bahá'u'lláh, when He first came to the barracks often repeated this statement: If among His immediate followers there were some who could play some musical instrument, for instance the flute or the harp, or who could sing, it would have charmed everyone.

"In short, musical melodies play an important role in the outward and inward qualities of man, for music is the inspirer and motive power of both the material and the spiritual susceptibilities. What a motive power it is in feelings of love! When man is attracted to the Love of God, music will have a great effect upon him."

The Master turned to the window and pointed to a ship on the sea.

"See: a ship!" He said to Alice, who was sitting beside Him at this meal.

"If we build the Temple quickly," she asked, "and send a ship for You, will you come to America?"

"I will come of My own volition to America if they build the Mashriqu'l-Adhkár quickly. But," (sadly and very gently) "they will not build it quickly."

I was sitting next to Edna Ballora. Taking her hand, I said to our Lord: "May Edna help me with the meetings in my studio when we return to New York?"

"Khaylí khúb. Khaylí khúb. You love Edna Ballora?" He asked, His eyes--so holy, so shining--fixed on me.

"Oh yes, my Lord!"

"Very much?"

"Oh so much!" The love already in my heart for Edna was fanned to an intense flame. It burned; it hurt me.

"Very, very much?"

The Master was still gazing at me, and now I could scarcely bear that flame in me, in which my heart itself seemed to be melting away. Tears rained down my cheeks.

"Edna," cried the Master, "behold your friend! It is possible for fathers and mothers to weep when their children are in trouble, but it is rare that they weep merely for love of their children, as Juliet has wept for love of you."

Oh, Heavenly Artist! For one brief moment he had created in me the Love of God; He had given me a foretaste of that Love--other-dimensional, superhuman --which with my whole soul I pray I may attain some day. For without this universal love how can we hope to work for the Kingdom of God, the oneness of man on earth?

And, in that mysterious moment, I understood that the universal love is not "impersonal". I loved not only Edna's soul, but all of her. I could have died for her.

9 July 1909

Dinner, 9 p.m.

Our Lord: "Tonight Mr Sprague^[45] is going to speak to you, because he has been to Persia and has spent a year in Tihrán. Hence he shall speak."

Mr Sprague: "It is impossible to speak when our Lord is here."

On being further pressed by our Lord, he referred to a meeting where a Jew, a Christian, and a Muslim were present and, remaining for the night, shared the same bed.

Our Lord: "Consider what the power of the Covenant has done! It was an impossibility for a Zoroastrian to unite with a Sid and a mullá with a Jew. And for these to assemble with a Christian was an absolute impossibility. But the power of the Covenant has even so gathered them that they are accounted as one spirit. Although the bodies are numerous, the spirit is one.

"About thirty or forty years ago, in the province of ... , the Muslims assaulted the Jewish colony and began a wholesale slaughter, and only those Jews who, narrowly escaping, could get to the mosque to confess were saved. The rest were subjected to wholesale murder. And those who apparently were converted are in reality, up to the present time, Jews. But many became Bahá'ís.

"Mírzá 'Azízu'lláh Khán whom you met: his father was martyred, and his brother at the age of twelve gave his life for the Cause."

At the table that night was a boy from India, brought to 'Akká by Sydney Sprague, who was taking the child to his own school in Turkey to educate him. The father of the boy had given his life for Mr Sprague. It happened in this way: Mr Sprague was then in India, teaching the Cause and, in his enthusiasm, he remained till too late in the summer in Calcutta. A plague broke out and the people died by hundreds. Every hospital was crowded, the doctors and nurses were all busy. Even the Bahá'ís had their hands too full. Mr Sprague came down with typhoid fever. One of the Bahá'ís wrote to another in a

nearby town, to a shopkeeper named Kay-Khusraw, asking his help. Kay-Khusraw immediately closed his shop and made his will. Then he said goodbye to his family--forever in this mortal life--and went to Calcutta to nurse his American brother, whom he had never seen. Under his tender care, Mr Sprague recovered, but scarcely was he convalescent when the plague overtook Kay-Khusraw and within a day or two he died.

Mr Sprague told me the whole story. He knew that he must pay a visit to Kay-Khusraw's family, but he dreaded facing them, more than anything, he told me, that he had ever had to do. But when he entered their house, they greeted him with outstretched arms. "Do not feel sad," they said. "It was right that Kay-Khusraw should give his life for his brother. Besides, Mr Sprague, you are a great teacher and Kay-Khusraw was a humble shopkeeper. He could never have served the Cause as you can."

__________

A sweet picture of the Master: He had sent for us that afternoon to meet Mr Sprague and the Persian believers and, not being ready, I put on a dress I could slip into easily. As I passed the Master standing in His door: "I am afraid I am not dressed well enough," I said.

He touched my arm, smiling with the utmost sweetness.

"The Persian believers do not look at the dress, My child. They look at the heart."

10 July 1909

Morning

Our Lord has just called me into His room with Munavvar.

"I love you very dearly," He said. "That is the reason I am speaking so freely to you. To others I do not speak so freely. This is just for you.

"Do you know Miss __________? She came here and was full of love and aglow. Then she returned and married and her love for the Blessed Perfection grew cold. Now I want to tell you," (and He put His arms around me and held me close, and never shall I forget those protecting arms!) "I want to tell you not to marry this man until you have made him a believer. Because afterward it would be more difficult. First make him a believer. You can. Then he will be a good husband to you and will make you very happy. And he will be a good believer. I speak to you so freely because I love you so much. To others I say: 'Do as you like.' But to you I am more explicit and I say: Do not do this. You only see the beginning. I see the end. But do your best to make him a believer. You can. He will become one out of his love for you. He loves you now. The first love is very strong. After you were married it might not be so easy. Then he might influence you. I will pray for you and assist you and you will do this. But do not yield. Do not marry him, though it take years to make a believer."

Those strong arms of Love gathered me closer--my refuge, my shelter, my eternal protection. I know that whatever may come in the future I shall feel in the moment of test: those arms, those great tender, tender arms. No one knows what such a clasp is save those who have been in the arms of 'Abdu'l-Bahá.

"It is because I love you so that I say this," He repeated. "When you return," He continued, "say to him: If you will go yourself to 'Akká, you will see that which is beyond conception. If you go you will find all your conceptions useless in comparison with the Real-

ity. If you go you will be given that for which you would not exchange all the kingdoms of the world."

"Shall I tell him this from Thee?"

"It is wiser not to--yet," with that wonderful witty smile. "If you see some softening you may."

"You know him?" I asked.

"I know everyone in the world."

"You love him?"

"Yes, I love him. As you are my daughter, I want him to be my son."

"Is he not the material martyrs are made of?"

"Make him so!" He smiled. "Am I not a kind Father, Juliet?"

"Thou art too kind. I am crushed beneath Thy love and generosity."

"You had a great test about this and you passed it well. Speak; speak," He said. "Tell Me all you wish to tell Me."

I began to speak of Percy Grant and of his lifework, carried on in the face of strong opposition and at the risk of his worldly career.^[46